I’m sitting here drinking my favorite coffee, and as I enjoy this moment I cannot wait to share with you the thoughts that are in my head.
Recently, I have talked about how circumstances don’t determine your future. And somewhere along the line, I wanted to explore a little bit more about our thought process. How we discourage ourselves so often from our goals and from the things that we want, because we have beliefs that go against what we want.
In this episode, I want to talk about how it’s important for us to learn not to judge our feelings. Aside from being a Life Coach, I’m also a Certified Mindfulness Instructor. And non-judgement is one of the learnings that I enjoy understanding, applying, and teaching.
Why Being Judgemental Is Harmful
Sometimes it’s so difficult to be non-judgmental, especially if it’s coming from a bad experience or emotions. For example, a client of mine just had a pregnancy loss and a part of her coping mechanism is to hate or be indifferent to people who have babies. It’s her way of processing the grief and protecting herself from anger and sadness. And recently someone close to her had a baby. She wanted to feel excited for that person but somehow her bad experience was holding her back.
Like her, a lot of people cope this way. Some people try to hide their feelings and emotions just because they’ve already judged them as maybe improper or inappropriate emotions. And what happens is, those emotions stay inside them longer, they don’t get to process their emotions, and it becomes more painful.
How Not To Be Judgemental
When we judge our feelings as bad, our natural response is to avoid it. We go through crazy lengths just to avoid the feeling, but by avoiding it we’re actually growing it. So what do we do? Do not judge the emotion, allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Don’t mask it, instead embrace it.
Don’t Identify With Your Emotions
For someone like me who experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, a common side effect is anxiety. I have learned that the more I try to repel the anxious thoughts, the stronger they feel in my body, and the longer they stay. But when I’m courageous enough, and I say to the feeling, I’m not gonna judge you for existing, you’re just a feeling. I tell myself something neutral. There is anxiety, not I am anxious. Separate yourself from the feeling. The feeling is not you and it’s just temporary.
Finding The Balance
Now when the feeling is good and positive, we jump into attachment, wanting that feeling to linger longer and even forever. But according to Buddha, that’s when the suffering begins, when you want to make something last forever, and when you’re not ready to understand and accept the impermanence of emotions.
Find the balance in your emotions. Learn to separate yourself from the emotion. Feel the emotions whether they’re good or bad, but don’t dwell in it. It’s an emotion that we need to feel, process, and eventually let go. Through this, we will achieve a healthier mind.
Steps To Free Yourself From Judgement
The first step is awareness. Being aware of the emotion and how you have judged it. This step will allow you to think of the next step to free yourself from judgement.
Step two is processing your emotion in neutrality. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and meditate. Bring all of your senses, all of your awareness to the feeling. Give it attention and wait for it to dissipate.
The last step is to pay attention to the lesson. Become curious and think about what this emotion is teaching you, what wisdom can you take from it. Be an observer of your emotions. You need to react, you need to fix them, change them, modify them, you just need to notice them. And then you need to open the space, let them be felt.
These are moments of growth, these are moments of transformation. And most importantly, these are moments where we allow the emotion to be processed.
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Overthinking? Download The Mini-Course Now!
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