“Don’t ever put the key to your happiness in the hands of someone else.”
How does that relate to the fear of emotional pain? As a life coach, specifically as a mindset life coach, a lot of the conversations I’m having with my clients are surrounding avoidance of pain. And that emotional pain can develop into a feeling of anxiety. Anxiety about having to go through emotional pain again.
In this episode, I’d like to share with you how fear of emotional pain can hurt you. But, despite how uncomfortable and painful emotional pain is, it is also a natural human experience that can transform you into a better version of yourself. The key to your happiness is found in you.
What Is Emotional Pain?
We might have different definitions of it, but we can all agree it’s something nobody wants to feel. Most of us want to get out of it as quickly as we can, however it’s not that easy. One thing that accompanies or that prolongs emotional pain is the lack of patience. When we’re not patient enough to process the emotion, we’re less likely to feel it and to let it go.
Losing The Fear Of Being In Emotional Pain
When you’re in it, there is nothing you can do about preventing the pain. There’s nothing you can do to rush the process.
I want to bring you back to a beautiful analogy about teaching the process of processing emotions. Nobody would ever doubt that a caterpillar will become a butterfly, because we all know that a caterpillar is the first phase of the life of a butterfly.
But when we’re in emotional pain, we lack the trust that we were going to be okay, that we’re transforming into a better person. And that’s exactly what pain does. It sheds a layer of ourselves, not because it was bad, not because it was good, but because we’re growing in this human experience. That explains the analogy, we don’t rush a caterpillar to become a butterfly.
Don’t Rush It, Feel It
You cannot physically rush your emotions. It’s an illusion of your mind that you think you can move along your feelings quickly. But when you make the decision that you are going to feel your emotional pain entirely, and you let yourself feel it, it allows you to process it faster.
The only way out is through it. When you’re going through hell, you have to keep walking. Keep walking and it comes to an end eventually.
Your Emotional Pain Comes With Your Human Experience
You cannot be a human and not have emotions. You cannot choose to be 100% giving, if you’re not willing to potentially and eventually have emotional pain. When we avoid emotional pain, we build up walls, and sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing. The walls do a great job of isolating you, making you feel lonely and worst of all disconnecting you from humans.
When this happens, you lose your ability to have an authentic real connection. The kind of connection that makes our souls vibrate makes us feel human. When we see something beautiful happen on the other side, that’s where you’re risking losing the moment, missing it completely.
Don’t Be Afraid Of Emotional Pain
The pains we go through are not permanent. Avoidance may seem to be the solution, but it’s actually the fastest route to prolonging your emotional pain. The more you feed the thoughts that tell you that emotional pain is bad and should be avoided, the more you resist it, the less able you are to process it. And what you really want to do is to process your emotions.
You got to make a choice. Doesn’t matter how traumatic the event is, you can still choose how to process it.You can choose to say I’m going to feel this to the extent of the feeling. And if it takes you months or years, that’s fine. You’ve got time and you will become a butterfly. You will be free from whatever that keeps you in a cocoon, and you will transform into the next version of yourself.
Life is about transformation. We’re not the same person we were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or months ago. We are transforming whether we are aware of it or not. Emotional pain is this uncomfortable moment of life that you’re gonna go through, but that’s okay because that’s what it means to become human.
Be Your Own Butterfly
As we go through life, we will go through different sorts of emotional pain. It might feel like it’s gonna stay with you forever…it won’t. The pains we go through are what makes us human. It transforms us. Have the courage to embrace the pain no matter how painful it is, because in the end, if you choose right, you become the butterfly you always dreamt of becoming.
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