How many times have you lowered your goals and expectations? How many times have you quit even before setting the goal? Quitting before completing any of your goals comes from how you perceive failure.
Once, I was going into a coaching call and quit even before I started working towards my goal. Why? Because I was quitting energetically and emotionally on this goal since part of my brain had already agreed to its ultimate failure.
In today’s episode, I am going to walk you through looking at failure straight on and feeling your energy and your emotions. And once you process all that energy and emotion, you will begin to change your perception of failure to lessons that are needed for your personal growth.
In this episode you will learn:
- The benefit of having an emotionally specific goal
- Being patient and appreciating the steps toward your goal
- What does it actually mean to fail?
Transforming a vague goal into a specific one
Just think of a goal. Got it? Good. And now think of how clear you are about it. By when do you want this goal to be completed? Do you have a specific date in mind? Or do you have a target number needed to finish?
When we’re setting up a goal, many of them are completely vague. This is so that we don’t have to really commit to them which leads us to fail.
To stop this, if you’re thinking of a goal, notice if there is a lack of clarity and a lack of preciseness on what your objective is. Give yourself really, really specific steps on how to get there.
Once you have that, take into consideration all of your feelings. Truly ask yourself if maybe your expectations are above your capabilities. Are you truly ready to take on this goal? When you personalize your goals, you make them mean something about yourself. If thoughts of failure come in, seek coaching on this to help you figure out all of these emotions.
Taking the time to evaluate your emotions
If we set our goal with so much clarity and concrete numbers and dates and if we don’t exactly meet the mark, can we still appreciate the steps that we took? Can we evaluate this failure and think about what we will do differently after this?
We can work to understand failure because we give it a timeframe and we can patiently process this time. However, if your goal is not complete, don’t just quit and move on to a different goal. Instead, take your time to feel the emotions that come up. If you avoid them before you move on, you will not change your perception of failure.
Your mind is going to want you to push it aside and rush through it so that you don’t feel these emotions. But you need to tell your brain that it is safe to feel these emotions and sit with them. Then give yourself time because you’re going to have to do it until you figure things out.
Also, it’s important for you to notice if and where you are making this so-called failure personal. How are you making it mean something about your perception of self? When we decide to make failure personal, we have zero interest in changing that. We feel afraid of looking at it because we are afraid to know what it says about us.
Learning through failure
I want you to ask yourself what it would actually mean to fail. Why is my brain making this a problem if I am unable to meet my goal? And did I learn anything in that process? What worked and what didn’t? How can I use that to my advantage?
This is a lesson we must all learn about failing. Failure is not an emotion. Failure is a perception. Ask yourself what is your self-concept after failing. What type of person do you want to be after a failure?
When you’re learning to make it to your goals, that is part of your self-concept. The self-concept that you want to have about yourself, you want to include who you want to be while you’re trying to figure things out. See what it takes from you to actually master that goal. Notice how you are going to prepare yourself even better for the next attempt.
So is failure really a failure? Remember failure is a perception. What perception do you want to have about failure? How willing are you to sit in the discomfort of that emotion that is brought to you by the perception of failure? And before you go to change your perception of failure and self-concept, please process by feeling the emotion that failure gives you.
My doors will be opening soon on the September 26 cohort of my Reset Your Mindset group. So if this is for you, if you are a perfectionist, attached to achievements, overdoing, constantly fed up with your own mind, wanting to get a break from thinking so much from feeling disappointed from being so hard on yourself. I want to coach you through that.