Will they like me? What if they don’t? This mental drama slowly creeps within us and takes the best out of us. The fear of not being fancied or simply appreciated.
Why do we care so much about being evaluated favorably by others? Primarily, one great reason is that no human wants to be rejected or abandoned. And true to its nature, this is part of our survival instinct.
In this episode, Olga will walk you through how to overcome this mental state and set the tone to appreciate ourselves more effectively.
Step one: Catch yourself when the mental drama shows up
When we start thinking a certain way, our brain starts looking for evidence. Not only that, when we think a certain way, we feel a certain way. So if I walk into a room thinking, ‘I am the most powerful woman that’s gonna stand in that room’, I feel powerful instead of insecure.
Let’s look at the thought of ‘I’m not gonna be liked by anyone in that room’. How do you think I’m going to walk in? I’m probably not going to be making eye contact, and I’m probably going to be walking, repeating to myself ‘you are not good enough to be here’. That’s going to show in my behaviour in my existence. My result might be exactly what my mind thinks is gonna be, I’m not going to be liked.
The reason why I’m not going to be liked is because I didn’t give anybody a chance to get to know me. Whoever does not like you does not know you, you didn’t give them a chance to know you. Why? Because we’re so preoccupied in our head with whether or not they like us, that we begin to guesstimate who they want to see coming from us. We are walking away from being authentically who we are, we’re just playing this guessing game.
That is the biggest dilemma of the people who worry about being liked by others; you end up losing yourself in that process, and you are no longer authentic. Have you ever liked anyone who you cannot read? Have you trusted them? Have you truly connected to them? Real connection is essential, just like being genuine and being able to read the other person. And if I don’t like you, you are going to know I don’t like you. We’ll each go our own way, because we don’t drive together. That’s human and okay.
Step two: Coach yourself
How do you coach yourself differently from this trauma that you’ve created? First and foremost, let’s narrow down the beliefs that you have currently, that are limited and that make this fear so powerful.
Perhaps you think that you’re not enough. Perhaps you think that your self worth comes strictly from people’s evaluations of you. Perhaps you’re thinking that everybody needs to like you, for you to like you. Or for you to never be alone. that in order for you to not experience a lonely life, you must be liked by every single human you meet.
If you write down these thoughts and these beliefs and they ring true to you, then you know that there is something really important that you need to do. And that is beginning to coach yourself out of these days. And the easiest, fastest way to do this is by giving the mind a new way of thinking that then gives you a new result. My favorite way to reframe my thoughts is by writing down affirmations on sticky notes, which I then hang throughout my house.
Thoughts about limiting beliefs
- What I think of me is more important than what others think of me.
- I am becoming confident.
- Nobody knows you better than you.
- Nothing can stop me from feeling confident.
- I am worthy of good relationships.
- I will not let fear take the best of me.
If you are too tangled up with what others think of you, I want you to refocus. Recenter: who are you? Could you want to be what will make you happy? There’s only one of you, so be the best you that you can. And by best I mean authentic, I don’t mean perfect.
How can you show up as the most authentic self? Reprogram your mind with new, powerful thoughts. Please ignore those that don’t speak to you. Come up with your own that are accurate and powerful.
I hope this was helpful! If you liked this episode, please leave a review, share it with others and come hang out with me on Instagram!
Ps. Don’t forget to sign up for my Detox the Mind Workshop: From Self-Critical to Self-Confident
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