Those of you who feel that you can never quite connect in your relationships, and never feel valued or understood are all symptoms of a lack of boundaries in a relationship.
Grownups have the capacity to have these thoughts and emotions and eventually process having these boundaries to the best of their ability. They can either disagree, agree to disagree, or agree to part ways in a relationship or do something else as part of their processing.
But, what happens if we choose not to have boundaries and accept it all?
In this episode you will learn:
- How the lack of boundaries can hurt your relationships.
- The importance of keeping your authenticity in a relationship.
- Honoring your own presence is the best gift you can give.
How having no boundaries can separate you from the people you love
Boundaries have a bad reputation. We think that boundaries are barriers that keep us from being authentic. In fact, we would rather remove them all, even if it costs us and our relationships deeply. However, what we don’t understand is that the absence of boundaries is what creates conflicts in the first place.
When we are afraid of creating these conflicts, we will have a very strong tendency to place zero boundaries. In your relationships, you lower your expectations of what is acceptable. And because of this, we end up creating more conflict and separation because we diminish our expectations of what’s acceptable. We begin to accept it all.
The fear that produces this lack of boundaries separates you from the people you love. It’s almost like you need the world to build up what you already know you want to do, which is separate from the people in your life. And you decide to walk away because you’re not feeling valued or you need everybody to agree with you.
If you abandon the boundaries required for you to continue to have a presence in your relationship, the results are usually:
- Feeling distant from that relationship
- Have no idea how to repair it other than by ending it completely
When you ignore boundaries out of fear of separation, you sacrifice the most important ingredient for a healthy partnership. And that is authenticity. Boundaries are the very thing that allows you to show up authentically in all of your relationships.
Being authentic in a relationship
You think you’re doing yourself a favor by pretending to be the same as your partner. But pleasing your partner, even though what pleases them does not please you, makes you untrustworthy.
You essentially erase your presence from the relationship. In other words, you are there but you aren’t yourself. In fact, we have ignored ourselves to such a degree that our identity is questionable.
Where does this all begin? It starts from a social loving place. You don’t want your relationship to end because you didn’t make it a point to make your partner happy. However, the more you reach out and try to figure this out, the less connected you feel to this person.
With this, we diminish our needs and our voice and other people might never know that we didn’t like it.
Allowing yourself to be you in a relationship
We think we’re doing this for the relationship but really the relationship we need to restore and heal is the one with ourselves. You need to understand that you’re lovable beyond measure by being your authentic self.
Understand that the best gift you can give to anyone is your presence. You make your presence enjoyable so that others can honor you.
I encourage you to become comfortable with the use of boundaries once you pass through my mindset reset program.
My doors will be opening soon for the September cohort of my Reset Your Mindset group. I’m also going to be offering a Detox The Mind, five date live coaching in September, September 12. So if this is for you, if you are a perfectionist, attached to achievements, overdoing, constantly fed up with your own mind, wanting to get a break from thinking so much from feeling disappointed from being so hard on yourself. I want to coach you through that.