Why do we get ghosted?
A relationship is any connection between two people. And a relationship involves a wide range of people, including family, friends, and intimate relationships. And oftentimes, intimate relationships are the hardest. As much as it’s a wonderful feeling to be loved, a heartbreak, especially one that you’ve been ghosted on could be the worst.
In this episode, I would like to share with you why people are getting ghosted or cut off. My guest is Elena Bruun, licensed marriage and family therapist, and licensed mental health counselor. Her goal is to help you remove whatever barriers stand in the way of a more fulfilling life. Join us as we discuss why people ghost us and what we can do to move past it.
In this episode:
[04:08] Ghosting is only one way that people cut off.
[08:16] What goes on in the mind of the person who leaves?
[10:00] Sometimes it’s better to be honest and risk being hurt or hurting others than not knowing why someone ghosted you.
[13:41] Just because they don’t want you, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
[15:27] How do you move past ghosting?
[18:58] Conflicts are uncomfortable and unpleasant, but you can learn from them.
[23:04] If you’ve been ghosted by a relative or a friend, you can ask a trusted friend to tell you about behavior you might want to change.
[26:21] If a relationship was critical to you and you’ve lost it, you may need help after a while to move on.
[29:11] The first cut-off is emotional disconnection, where you’re still in touch but emotionally disconnected.
[29:56] Second is the incipient cut-off, where there are no rules but you feel this tension when you’re with the person.
[30:15] Third is a partial cut-off, communicating indirectly or through a third person.
[30:54] Fourth is a temporary cut-off, where it’s conditional.
[33:41] What are intergenerational cut-offs?
[37:54] There are stages to healing after being cut off or ghosted.
[38:57] Elena talks in her book about what drives a person to cut someone off.
[44:12] Sometimes breakups come with a beautiful gift of self-understanding and self-awareness.
[45:29] There’s no way it can be all your fault. You can take a little responsibility, but it’s not ALL your fault. It takes two people to be in a relationship.
About Elena Bruun
Elena Bruun is a psychotherapist specializing in individual, couple, and family therapy. She is also a writer with four books, three on psychotherapy topics, and the latest, a children’s book she wrote and self-published during the pandemic called Maxine Gets Her Vaccine.
Connect with Elena
On her website.
A list of her Books:
- Maxine Gets Her Vaccine
- ESTRANGED: Whether to Repair a Painful Relationship Rift and If So How
- Not On Speaking Terms
- Marrying Well
Online courses with Olga: